On September 21, Erika Kirk, the grieving widow of assassinated political activist, Charlie Kirk, stood before a stadium filled with 100,000 people and a worldwide audience of millions, and, fighting back tears, said: “My husband, Charlie. He wanted to save young men, just like the one who took his life. That young man. That young man. On the cross, our Savior said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ That man. That young man. I forgive him.”
“I forgive him,” she continued, “because it was what Christ did, and it is what Charlie would do. The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the gospel is love – and always love. Love for our enemies and love for those who persecute us.”
For many people around the world, that was an extraordinary moment. Five days later, comedian Tim Allen wrote, “When Erika Kirk spoke the words on the man who killed her husband … that moment deeply affected me. I have struggled for over 60 years to forgive the man who killed my Dad. I will say those words now as I type: ‘I forgive the man who killed my father.’” Tim Allen’s father was killed by a drunk driver in 1964, when Allen was just eleven years old.
To be clear, forgiveness does not mean saying, “It’s okay.” When somebody hurts us, when somebody does us wrong, when somebody lashes out at us in anger, it’s not okay.
Forgiveness means first letting go of the anger. It means letting go of the resentment. It means loving as Christ has loved and forgiven us.
Forgiveness is absolution. Forgiveness is the cancellation of a debt. Forgiveness is the commuting of a life sentence. Forgiveness is reconciliation and restoration.
But what about when the other person isn’t sorry for what they did? What about those who haven’t asked for and do not want our forgiveness? Sadly, in those cases, reconciliation and restoration may never happen. Some people simply do not want our love or forgiveness.
Forgiveness, however, does not begin when the other person apologizes. Forgiveness begins in the heart. Forgiveness begins with Jesus.
If you have a chance this week, read Jesus’ Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18. The point of the parable is that when we see and truly appreciate God’s extraordinary mercy that forgives the multitude of horrible and hateful things we do and say in our lives, we can forgive the horrible and hateful things others do to us.
Forgiveness of others begins as we cling to Christ’s cross and find in him the forgiveness we so desperately need. Forgiveness begins as we make the conscious and continual choice to fight against the anger and resentment in our hearts. Forgiveness isn’t a magical pill that makes the hurt suddenly disappear.
Forgiveness is a choice. It’s a choice that begins long before (and regardless of whether) the other person is sorry or not. Forgiveness finds its fullest form when the other person expresses remorse. Then reconciliation can occur. Then relationships can be restored.
But forgiveness doesn’t wait for an apology.
On September 21, we witnessed the extraordinary act of a grieving widow. Forgiveness, however, is an extraordinarily ordinary act for a Christian. It’s what we do when we recognize and truly appreciate how much God has forgiven us in Christ.
May God help you to make the extraordinarily difficult choice of forgiving those who have hurt you.
