My dad, who is also a pastor, loves to tell the story of a couple who came to him years ago for marriage counseling.
The husband had cheated on the wife. My dad explained to the wife that, according to the Bible, she was under no obligation to stay married to her husband. The marriage bond had been broken. Whether she stayed with her husband or not, however, God did want her to forgive him.
In tears of exasperation, the wife exclaimed, “I can’t. I can’t forgive him. I can’t say that what he did was okay.”
Forgiveness is not saying it’s okay.
When God forgives you, he isn’t saying, “No big deal. It’s okay what you did.” It’s not okay what you did. It is a big deal.
All sin is a big deal. It doesn’t matter if you cheated on your wife, killed someone, or simply told a white lie. God hates all sin. Every sin, big and small, deserves an eternity in hell.
Forgiveness isn’t God saying to you, “It’s okay. No big deal.”
Forgiveness is God saying, “I’m not going to punish you because I punished Jesus in your place. I’m not going to be angry with you because I directed my anger for your sins at Jesus as he hung on the cross.”
What you did was not okay. Look at what Jesus had to suffer because of it. All sin is a big deal. Thankfully, we have a God who forgives, who lets go of the anger because of Jesus, who doesn’t treat us as we deserve.
In the same way, when somebody sins against you – when your boss treats you unfairly, when your friend lies to you, when your husband cheats on you – it is never okay.
It was wrong. It was hurtful. It was bad.
When somebody sins against you, never tell them, “That’s okay,” even if they apologize. It’s not okay.
Tell them, “I forgive you.”
And then forgive them in your heart. Let go of the hurt. Let go of the anger. Love them. Be kind to them. Treat them as God has treated you.
Forgiveness is not saying it’s okay. Forgiveness is recognizing how much God has forgiven us because of Jesus. Forgiveness is letting go of the anger and loving the other person even though they don’t deserve it.
Forgiveness is treating others as God has treated you.
Pastor Andrew Schroer has been a pastor for over 25 years and is currently serving at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Edna, Texas. You can find his latest books, “364 Days of Thanksgiving” and “364 Days of Devotion,” on Amazon.com.
